Note the lack of “bitter” there. It’s not. I’ve actually instructed my Beast to cry. Seeing as how she was going to be doing it anyway, I might as well make it like it was something I wanted her to do all along.
Somehow, somewhere she got the idea of second chances. Like, thirty of the goddamn things. Everything is an second chance, and it in and of itself needs another second chance. Please. Please. PLEASE.
I just had a bit of a talk with her about how those are really second chances. And that there have to be consequences for her actions, or lack thereof. I think she thinks if she turns on the begging and tears it will somehow save her from this dark and horrible fate of… whatever. Tonight it’s not “camping out” at the grandparents’. And an early bedtime. And you can damn well be sure there isn’t any dessert coming her way tonight.
I can hear her now, from all the way upstairs. Her wails are music to my ears, and were it possible I would collect and bath in the salty discharge from her bratty little eyes.
So, it’s a new day. I’m awake, instead of drooling in a recliner. The girls like their cards, and moving on.
I’m currently fixing a big crockpot of Taco Soup. I got an onion cooking up so it won’t take so long in the mix, and then the meat. The crows returned this morning, despite a heavy rain. I tossed some peanuts upon seeing them, but they have yet to come back.
I’ve been writing songs. Or lyric poetry. Something. Odd things inspire me. Hopefully I can cobble together a string of chords to play, and a rhythm to sing. Just to see.
The forest is full of green. The trees dance and clamor in the wind. My dreams are getting weird again. Is it the trees? I’ve not been surrounded by woods like this in years, and I have truly missed it. Did they miss me? Interesting paganish musing on what apparently is Beltane.
That Seattle girl ain’t the only one who can befriend the crows! I’ve started working on it out in our neck of the woods, and I think something is starting to work. There is probably at least six who swoop in regularly when I toss out some peanuts. I think they are getting a bit more comfortable. I’m hoping to eventually be able to get some good photos. For now they take flight as soon as any of us get too close to a window or door. If we are sitting at the table we can stay put, but any sudden and drastic movements seems them off. They don’t fly as far though. I think they are getting used to us. And the peanuts. Must not forget the peanuts.
Substituting is possibly the most fun thing ever. Short of having the kids. Short of making the kids. I like the lack of structure to picking classes. I like that I’m getting to be known at several other schools, and even called for days despite not setting it up that way. I really enjoy the elementary levels, but I also keep going back to middle school. I think it’s a hard time. I know it’s a hard time. I think if there is the chance I can be there the one day that one kid needs to hear something, anything that makes it less shitty.
I found Open G tuning, which is a pretty easy way to hit chords. I actually think it’s given me the comfort to try with standard tuning. Hopefully I can do it.
I’ve been doing cards for the girls in their lunches. They seem to like it. Connor seems to want to get in on it as well. I should do him some doodles I suppose.
Tired. Fell asleep an hour ago trying to finish. Later.