I’m wanting to work on something. I don’t know what. I’ve got too many ideas possibly, and I need to focus on one and get into that before looking at something else. I’m really wanting some sort of craft to work on. Fuck knitting though, that’s looking to be too much bullshit. Maybe crochet? It’s one tool, which might help. I don’t know really, I’m also thinking of making a bit of a loom for some weaving. That sounds kind of interesting. And I’m thinking I could come up with some way of joining the bits together if I did manage to get something.
I’m looking at the NANOWRIMO site. And I got to say it’s just pissing me off. I don’t think I have what quite amounts to a novel idea. I don’t even have what would be considered a short story. So I started looking for sites about that. No luck, or least nothing that seemed to be quite what I was looking for. Forums and such, but I’m not wanting to join a community of equally aimless would-be writers hoping to find that… what ever it is they are also looking for, just like me. And who knows? That might not be the case there at all. They might be well-knit and cohesive places for accomplishing these sorts of things. I’m possibly still suffering from Reddit.
I also was going to post about moving towards something regarding a person who used to be in my life. My wife’s best friend. I got to be honest, I don’t know where I’m at. I know where I’ve been for a decade; they are a largely useless parasitic person who lies compulsively it will meet their wants, and maybe needs. However, I’m also having to acknowledge they haven’t been a two-faced backstabbing shit-bag to the wife in a decade. But countering that is the “yet” bit. Combine this with other friends who while not as unwholesome and utterly loathsome aren’t really the best of people themselves. Still, they are friends despite their faults, right?
This has been in my mind a lot of late. It’s actually been in my mind for just over a decade. Some would say it’s hateful, or holding a grudge, but I honestly don’t see that. I see it as not wanting to put up with some one else’s self-indulgent whims who can’t behave and cope as a vaguely normal adult. I can’t even comprehend what would make a person think that such behavior is in any way reasonable, much less acceptable. Even for some one as forgiving as my wife. I won’t deny a struggle there to not say she’s a pushover and sucker.
So that’s where I’m at. The girls are actually doing well in school, or at least better, and the Boy seems to be thoroughly enjoying preschool still. And soccer, though he just runs around. And around, and around. He certainly has drive, if not much in the way of direction. That’s something.
And I almost deleted this whole post. Or most of it. Second guessing myself? Not so much doubt, but just not sure where to go from here. Drive. Direction. A have of one, a need for the other.