Direction & Drive

I’m wanting to work on something. I don’t know what. I’ve got too many ideas possibly, and I need to focus on one and get into that  before looking at something else. I’m really wanting some sort of craft to work on. Fuck knitting though, that’s looking to be too much bullshit. Maybe crochet? It’s one tool, which might help. I don’t know really, I’m also thinking of making a bit of a loom for some weaving. That sounds kind of interesting. And I’m thinking I could come up with some way of joining the bits together if I did manage to get something.

I’m looking at the NANOWRIMO site. And I got to say it’s just pissing me off. I don’t think I have what quite amounts to a novel idea. I don’t even have what would be considered a short story. So I started looking for sites about that. No luck, or least nothing that seemed to be quite what I was looking for. Forums and such, but I’m not wanting to join a community of equally aimless would-be writers hoping to find that… what ever it is they are also looking for, just like me. And who knows? That might not be the case there at all. They might be well-knit and cohesive places for accomplishing these sorts of things. I’m possibly still suffering from Reddit.

I also was going to post about moving towards something regarding a person who used to be in my life. My wife’s best friend. I got to be honest, I don’t know where I’m at. I know where I’ve been for a decade; they are a largely useless parasitic person who lies compulsively it will meet their wants, and maybe needs. However, I’m also having to acknowledge they haven’t been a two-faced backstabbing shit-bag to the wife in a decade. But countering that is the “yet” bit. Combine this with other friends who while not as unwholesome and utterly loathsome aren’t really the best of people themselves. Still, they are friends despite their faults, right?

This has been in my mind a lot of late. It’s actually been in my mind for just over a decade. Some would say it’s hateful, or holding a grudge, but I honestly don’t see that. I see it as not wanting to put up with some one else’s self-indulgent whims who can’t behave and cope as a vaguely normal adult. I can’t even comprehend what would make a person think that such behavior is in any way reasonable, much less acceptable. Even for some one as forgiving as my wife. I won’t deny a struggle there to not say she’s a pushover and sucker.

So that’s where I’m at. The girls are actually doing well in school, or at least better, and the Boy seems to be thoroughly enjoying preschool still. And soccer, though he just runs around. And around, and around. He certainly has drive, if not much in the way of direction. That’s something.

And I almost deleted this whole post. Or most of it. Second guessing myself? Not so much doubt, but just not sure where to go from here. Drive. Direction. A have of one, a need for the other.

Is October Finished Yet?

Man, it’s been a busy month already. I’m thoroughly enjoying this bit of a long term sub job I’ve managed to get, but I got to admit my hopes for a more relaxed, or even slightly relaxed weekend have been completely trashed. Friday was a mad rush of things. I can’t even recall all of it. One of the girls had Girl Scouts, the oldest one I think. Yeah, because the Beast is currently at her troop meeting. Okay, cool, I know (vaguely) where all of my children are located.

Yesterday was a make-up soccer game for the Boy. He actually went to this one. It went about like the rest- he sort of ran in the direction of the ball for about three seconds. Then he did a lap around the goal, and that not being quite enough went for the other goal as well. Then some of the parents on our side got ran around, and then he finally found himself back on the field with his team. Some sort of garbled attempts at communicating with the other team, and then it was game on. I don’t really think it was as they say in the sportsing world “shit talk”, but there definitely was a chubby little index finger pointed in their direction. I think it’s also safe to say it wasn’t given that he didn’t really go for the ball. Still, his communications have been little more than growls and top-of-his-lungs bellowing for about a month now.

Yesterday was also the party for my in-laws’ 50th anniversary. Or as I put it on a joke mock-up for the invite “Not murdering each other”. It was fun, it was hectic, it was a great time had by all. Friends and family from a good chunk of the United States came, and it was hectic. I think I mentioned that, but both times really doesn’t quite cover it. We still have a lot of leftovers, but they are good leftovers so no complaining here.

I’m slogging through the New Testament. I finally got through the book of John. I’ve decided that’s far enough, but now I’m long overdue to start on some spooky stories for Halloween. I also need to get on costumes. Kids are so demanding with wanting tooth decay and diabetes, but you got to get all dressed up to get it. But I’ve been craving some ghost stories, and now it is finally time I get into some.

Chickens, Crows, and a Sun That Never Shows

It’s rained for roughly forever. Possibly even a couple days past forever. I think I mentioned going to Black Mountain, and we left in the rain there. It rained all the way back, and it’s rained ever since. We had one decent day last week, which was truly worthy of the being described as a godsend for the class I’ve been helping in. We sadly opted out of driving the minimum two hour drive for a niece’s birthday party, and from reading the news that was a good call.

We lost a chicken. And it was the Eldest’s favorite. She’s taking it rather well, the chicken had been around for a while. Still, not the best way to spend a morning, finding a relatively ideal location to bury a beloved bird. The crows sang a bit of a dirge as I tromped out into the woods, though they could have been demanding peanuts.

I’ve decided that I’m going to start tossing their peanuts out in a different area. I can cover more area from the front porch, and I won’t risk any muck myself. And then I can watch them swoop in from my window over the sink. Win-win I’d say.

I tossed out of the rest of the clover seed just before the rain came. I was really concerned that the constant flow would wash it away rather than actually let it settle in and take root. But I looked out the other day and I see a soft covering of green bits all over. Hopefully with the amount of rain it will let it jump up rather quickly. And hopefully we won’t have any freak heat waves that will scorch it. We almost, sort-of, kind-of, not really have a yard. On one side of the house. And I want more. More I tell you.

We finally found that the Eldest has been doing her best. In fact, she’s possibly doing so poorly in completing her assignments that she might face being removed from both AG classes. I’m honestly at a loss for what to do. We’ve tried a ton of strategies, we don’t want to resort to medication, but I’m really not sure what’s left. The missus is just as spacey and honestly doesn’t seem concerned enough. Or really much at all. I don’t know if it’s a notion of having been the same way herself and coming out fine, or something else. Also, I definitely wasn’t the best student myself but still. I’m not talking about me, I’m worrying about my daughter who is extremely smart and capable of doing this shit they call school work.

But at least the missus is upstairs working on the vast collective shit heap which is her and her mother’s consignment sale shit. It is an absurd amount of crap that really serves no purpose other than to take up room. An entire large as fuck walk-in closet. And it’s packed to the point of being utterly useless for anything else. And there were two sales just a couple of weeks ago. I don’t get it. I really don’t. If it was a matter of simply collecting the things no longer used or worn by any number of us, that would be one thing. But it is clear that items are being purchased for the sole purpose of setting aside to sale. That’s money that doesn’t need to be spent. That’s money that could be saved at present, and as things accumulate over the months then those could be tagged for the sales. That would actually be a way of making money out of this thing. That would make too much sense though. Still, she’s actually trying to contain it. I kind of like being able to actually walk through my own house. Crazy, I know, but that’s how I roll.