It’s been a while, and I was actually thinking I should write something here. I’v been writing elsewhere, but that’s not here. Obviously.
I’ve been thinking back over a lot. Particularly me things, actually all of it’s been about me. My kids are into another school year and substitute days have been few. That leaves me with time to catch up on so many things. Things like laundry, the dishes, mowing, working on the chicken coop, self-loathing over the lack of stable employment, the beginnings of a rabbit lot, the other beginnings of a rabbit hutch, staving off the inevitable sense of being useless and largely unemployed, game notes, more game notes (The joy/burden of running several tabletop campaigns!), crafting, and wrapping it all up with some insomnia over whether I’ll be able to pay the bills in a month. Hopefully that last one will be taken care. I imagine days will pick up, and hopefully I’ll get some contact regarding any number of applications I’ve put in.
But back to me, only a different me. An earlier me. I’ve been thinking back over those moments, or series of moments, that lend themselves to being truly defining. I think reading A Wrinkle In Time was one of those for me. I also think discovering the Lone Wolf adventure book series was another. I’m an avid reader, particularly of the more fanciful subjects. Choose Your Own Adventure books were a delight. They were an imaginative interaction, something I craved. Growing up in the middle of nowhere meant not having much in the way of kids to hang out with. I dare say my younger years of shyness and introverted tendencies was more of an environmentally enforced condition than anything to do with my inner workings. I think if I had been in an area where there were more kids immediately available, and the possibility of getting into gaming that much earlier… well I don’t really know where that would have me at present. And I don’t really think I’m looking back and wondering ‘what if’, but I do find myself picking into the bit I can trace back to these particular interests.
I guess what got me thinking about it is the Eldest’s interest in similar things. She really wants to play some sort of game, Pathfinder is rather keen. I want to keep it on her level, but I’m not sure of other any other kids. Well, a couple. And that would be enough. She also likes A Wrinkle In Time, and she enjoyed The Dark Is Rising when we listened to the audiobook on the New York trip. She likes doing her Girl Scout things, but she’s made it clear she just isn’t into sports.
I think where things really differ between my upbringing and hers is the parenting. And parents. And that I’m not my mom, who was rather… protective. Overbearing is more the mark, particularly in regards to gaming matters. Clearly I don’t share her opinions. Still, this is possibly reading too much into it but I’d prefer to think it has more to do with my willingness overall to let my children be who they want to be. To discover what they will be. Trying to force them one way or the other is merely going to breed resentment in the long run. That might seem to be a strong word, but when I really think about it I can’t find a better one. And I think that also puts me out of words in general. At least for the night.