Okay, that’s a bit mean sounding, isn’t it? It’s not that my current friends are bad, it’s just that they aren’t where I’m at. I could easily hang out with some of the guys more, but no. I need new friends.
I don’t know how to do this either. I’m just now hitting this realization. I can’t really relate to any of them, that much. And the ones I’d be interested in trying to further develop a friendship were always more acquaintances really. And the only common ground now would be having kids. I’m kind of pointedly trying to find some link outside of that. I love my kids, but I’m not my kids. There’s more than that.
I imagine I’m terribly picky, or nit-picky. I’m also probably hard to put up with, how the missus has done for almost 20 years is beyond me. I’m also having to come to grips with the reality that there really isn’t much to me beyond my kids. I like gaming, but that’s tricky enough as is, what with the kids. Plus most of the gaming crowd doesn’t have kids, so they are free to game whenever, where ever. Okay, there’s one of the friends who seems content to do this as well, but he’s self-absorbed. I’m not. I’ve at least got that going for me.
I’ve tried getting some writing groups going, largely at the behest of the missus. But those almost immediately fall through, again because of the missus and her inability to follow through on even three pages of writing. Unless she just doesn’t want to write with me, which admittedly is a valid option but it also smacks of late teen angsting over one’s love and devotion. Fuck that, no. I know she’s just more than a touchy flighty and that it isn’t personal.
I’m sort of at an impasse. I don’t really know where to go from there. Here. Where ever. I do know I need to move on though. I need to do something, find something, find someone outside of all of it and reconnect, but it honestly just looks like at present that’s impossible.
In other news I had kidney stone last week. I think I’d rather just up and die than go through that again. I’m still sore and achy from it. We have the big family trip coming up also, Disney World here we come!